Sunday, February 5, 2012

I've kept my mouth shut long enough...



Warning...if any of you out there are thin skinned when it comes to your parenting skills (as most of us tend to be), then I apologize now.


First of all... (whenever anyone starts out with that... you know there might be a rant that follows) let me just say, I was not a perfect parent. I made my share of mistakes, still do. My most repetitious prayer was, "Lord, pick up the slack!"


There is a little known fact, parenting never... never ends. In fact, you do more of it after they leave... second little know fact, they take a chunk of your heart with them when they leave and then they divide it, when they multiply... my heart is spread out over 3 states. Let me just say, I did not know this when I started having 6 children, I was a child myself. 
I might not of had so many...that was a joke. 


What is not a joke today is the lack of parenting skills of so many. I have sat in my shop and witnessed parents interacting with their children and had to bite my tongue. We are raising a generation of children that think they are entitled.
I have thought long and hard about the kids today and maybe I am getting old, but I really don't think that is it. Oh, you might say my grandparents thought the same way but guess what...they didn't have the problems with their young as we do today. Yes, I know there are so many negative influences today but that is only more reason to step up our skills. If you are a parent, you are not your child's friend at least not before they become adults. And when did it become written that we need to explain for 20 minutes the reasons we say NO. I have witnessed mother's explaining to their 3 year old's the reason they could not run through my shop for 10 minutes... sorry but I do believe a 3 year old's attention span is 3 seconds. I have had mother's snap at me, for me having to tell their children not to run back and forth because I was afraid for them. Once a mother in turn informed me this was a public place... I am not going to go into details about the many confrontations I have had throughout the years in this area but I do want to say that if someone would have said something to me when I was a young mother, I would have been apologetic and mortified! 


And then there is the way the kids talk to their parents... all I have to say is, if you do not teach a child respect by the time they reach your height you are going to have a long haul. Now, I am short but my son says that even today when I use a certain tone he is still afraid.  He is just kidding but when they get to be teenagers all you have is bluff... because they will challenge you. 


Now on a personal note, with 5 girls I can't say the hormone years were my favorite but I did enjoy them... some were a little more challenging then others. You really have to pick and choose your battles and keep a good sense of humor mixed with a lot of love. My point is teenage years are hard and they don't even know why they are acting the way they are so before all that you had better set a good foundation for them. In knowing who they are and respecting others for who they are. That comes from a heart raised in gratitude not entitlement, not in getting all that I want because everyone else has it. Expecting you to put them in every sport or taking them where ever they want to go. That should be a privilege. Children have so much pressure on them today to be competitive... come in first... be a winner... get that scholarship. If that child is grounded in love and encouraged to be the best he can be as in Col. "let everything you do, do heartily as unto the Lord", then that child will be a winner no matter what and be content in whatever life hands him. Because guess what, you will not always be first in everything. Handling life's disillusionment and using that as a stepping stone to the next challenge is what it is all about not winning. 


I am sorry if I am stepping on toes but being busy every second of the day is not good... there has to be time for just family. You should bump into one another once in awhile... and the bedroom doors were not allowed to be shut for long periods of time. Yes, the kids need privacy and I allowed that but No isolation was allowed.  Now you have computers, i phones, televisions, ipods ... why would any of them come out of their bedrooms???  Families need to interact.


Parents take back the power... your kids need you to be strong, loving and accountable. They are growing up much too fast, let them be kids and shove them outside to play~they don't have to have that DS everywhere they go!


I know I am on a soap box here, but someone has to say something... the parent magazines and books are so confusing today. I think parents are afraid to be firm and go by their instincts. A river without banks becomes a stinky swamp. Your children need guidance even though they rebel against it. Oh sure I would have loved to be the good guy and friend when my kids were growing up but that wasn't my job. My job was to shape and mold 6 beautiful, loving, God filled persons. My purpose was to train them for a life that wasn't always fair (in fact that word was never allowed) and to know who they were in Christ and then the world. I am proud of my children, they are loving, well rounded happy people and that is because I trusted them to my Heavenly father. I still do... pray without ceasing. My mother still spends many hours on her knees for me... I am so thankful for that. I trust God with my children, they are not my responsibility any longer, I have turned them over to Him... they are His... always were! I trust Him that is all there is.


I want to say, that my children always came first in my life and by that I mean I loved them unconditionally and would give my life for them but they were not allowed to talk back or tell me what to do. And the most important factor was the attitude... no bad attitude. If their actions were fine and their attitude wasn't they got in trouble. As a parent there were a couple of laws that were essential...
1. Always follow through with a threat and don't threat anything you weren't willing to follow through with. This one takes a lot of work, it means getting up off the couch from your favorite show and dealing with whatever is going on. Not yelling.
2. Be consistent, if you said no at one time then that means no the next time. Do not let them wear you down.
These are just some tips I found to be useful, all children are different and will challenge you a different levels, I had some that all I had to do is look at them wrong and they would crumble and then I had the defiant ones... you do not want to get into power struggles with any of them. Be smart, if you know your child you can discipline them and make it fun.


Enjoy your children they grow so fast, jump on the bed with them, laugh and love them - sometimes that also means no, because I said so.

Blessings this Sunday
Rebecca 
PS I found this on pinterest and had to add it:

Babies Don't Keep- 
Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth, Empty the dustpan, poison the moth. Hang out the washing, make up the bed, Sew on a button and butter the bread. Where is the mother whose house is so shocking? She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue, Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo. Dishes are waiting and bills are past due, Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo. The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew, And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo. But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo. Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue? Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo. The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. ~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton







45 comments:

  1. Bravo I'm right there with you so very happy I'm not raising my kid's now days.

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  2. HOORAY for Rebecca! I TOTALLY agree with you! Well said, my friend. Thank you for being brave enough to share your wisdom.
    Beautiful pics too!
    Blessings to you,
    Sonya

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  3. You have said a mouth full here today. It is so true. I was not a friend to my kids until they were grown and gone. I was their Mom and that meant rules and regulations. I see my own daughtes drawing strong guidance lines for their kids and it makes me proud and happy when we go somewhere and people tell me how well-behaved my grandkids are. They are learning to honor God and their parents.

    Amen to everything you said here- xo Diana

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  4. GREAT rant Rebecca... I was so proud of my own daughter one day when I heard her tell her sweet whining daughter... my granddaughter... "why? why do you have to pick up those shoes? Because I said so, that's why... and I'm the mom... I'm bigger... and I get to make the rules... so pick up the shoes and don't give me anymore of that whining"... to which the sweet Panda girl said... "I'm sorry mommy"...she picked up her shoes and that was that... then my daughter looked at me and said... "Mom... my transformation is complete... I AM you..."...

    It drives me nuts when people let their children run wild... mostly because these children are the ones that will be hurt in the future by the lack of discipline their parents offer them.

    Amen! Dixie

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  5. Oh, Bless your heart, Rebecca! So well said! Your family is beautiful!
    ~Lynne
    [w/L]

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  6. Amen! I was not entitled and still am not. BUT I know over 30's who think they are. AND blame it on their parents!!! HELLO?? Take responsibility for your self. And same said 30 yr old lets her own child do as she pleases because when child was 4 months old mom left dad. Never really even liked him??? SO she has to be the FUN parent. SO if you see them out RUN! lol
    OH and your shop is not a public place :) And if they can sue you for getting hurt in it you CAN tell them to stop. MAKES me crazy and I don't own a shop!
    Hugs, Lisa

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  7. I could not have said it better myself Rebecca!! The pastor at my sons church was just saying today the four words a parent are entitled to say without explanation are : {I leaned over to my married son and whispered..."because I SAID SO"} and those were the exact words were what the pastor said!! Of course my sons chuckled and whispered back, "You are good mom"...love it!!
    Blessings~

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  8. Agree completely. This entitlement is plain crazy.

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  9. Bravo Rebecca !!!! I am so with you on this. I always say, sometimes the best thing you can say to your child is "NO". Saying no does not mean we don't love them. And you should not ever worry about being your child's best friend. Because that will happen when they are grown. Love you girl, Susie(She Junks)

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  10. Hallelujah and a big amen! You said it so well. I see these feelings of entitlement in the young and their parents who don't take responsibility. The word no can be a good thing.

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  11. This is truth and I think you said it kindly. Respect is lacking today and it can be discouraging, but I have chosen to continue to do unto others as I would want done to me while keeping in mind to live as a community. One person can make a difference.

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  12. GOOD WORD INDEED...go tell it on the mountain! :)

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  13. YES YES YES!!!! I couldn't agree more!

    And - your family is BEAUTIFUL!!!

    ;-D robelyn

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  14. A HUGE "AMEN" to all the above!!!! It happens in my store all the time, with these "younger" moms! I tell moms all the time the same thing you said...."we are not here to be our children's friend, until they become adults. But, even then we still are their mother! :) Great reminder my friend---and if someone's toes feel stepped on, then maybe they are seeing themselves in this post??? Just sayin'....xo

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  15. Go to my blog... go to the awards & misc. tab.... scroll to the middle of the page and read a little known fact about me, #5, and my next comment will make even more sense to you..... "You Are Correct".

    ~Bliss~

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  16. Rebecca,
    Well said and so true! And I can attest to your talents as a mom firsthand because I met one of your lovely daughter's yesterday at "Junk Salvation" and she was so gracious and lovely! Her space was awesome (my favorite) and I loved the items you made.....thanks for posting this, I agree with it all...:)

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  17. My friends and I worry about not only this next generation but the one following. The "I want it all and deserve it all is rampant" The tv shows that are huge hits and supposed to be funny teach disrespect between parents and between spouses all in the sake of humor.... I think my two offspring speak for my parenting style and I parented much differently than most of my friends.. Very little tv, video, and junk toys..I only helped with homework when needed because they knew it was their responsibility and it was the key to their futures...and they still both graduated with highest honors and deans list... We sat down to dinner every night and I always entertained their friends in my home so that i could be aware of what was going on... Even though divorce happened in our family, we parented these kids with love and trust.

    My home town is the prime example of people my age and slightly younger owning way beyond their means and wanting much more than they needed... WIll we relearn the way to success and happiness? Perhaps not. Our society like many famous ones before it is in deep trouble but few seem to notice or to care..as long as they have the newest shoes, the newest purse, the biggest house, the best car..Makes me very sad quite often. My kids say to me they do not know if they want to bring kids into this world. Although all older generations complain about the state of our youth..this feels much different and much worse doesn't it?

    and so we pray...
    z

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  18. Well, I have been a witness to this for years. My kids are still in the teens and young adult stage. They are not entitled. They were never my friends. I am and still remain the mum. But I have fun with them too. I know parents whose children are running ragged because mum or dad have to have them in hockey at 2.5 and 3 years old. The kids is crying and begging not to play. That is one aspect I have seen in parents. The other is the negligent parent. Oh, they make food and all. But it goes like this: What do you want for lunch today? It goes on and on until the kid gets some stupid unhealthy crap. In my house it was here is lunch eat it. If you don't like it then go hungry till dinner.

    Not that I was mean. A 3 year old does not need to tell the mum what she wants to eat. Nor a 6 or 11 year old. Kids don't need to pick out their clothes etc. I just think it is negligent. The parent can some how abdicate his parental duties. And in doing that they give all the power over to the kids. young parents need to have some guidance........and not be to proud to receive good advice. When the kids act up in a store - leave.

    Oh and what gets me is the lack of parenting and then labeling your kid hyperactive or something. Give the kids pop tarts for breakfast the kid goes wild , gets no discipline and gets labelled with some ailment. Give me a break. Takes all the responsibility off the parents.

    makes me mad. makes me wonder....

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  19. well thought out and written. I personally think the parents of this generation are too self absorbed and lazy to parent their kids. I'm so blessed that mine are grown. They are kind and generous, well mannered, thoughtful and faithful young adults, and they didn't get that way on their own!

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  20. When I first saw that you had posted, I thought, "Oh good, we get to see the powder room" Obviously, something occurred since last we spoke!!!!
    I love and agree with everything! I just went through a tough love challenge with a couple of my adults kids and it's not been pretty~for any of us!
    I have found myself wondering, Where did we go wrong? But the truth is, We were good, firm but loving parents and as they each have gotten a bit older, we see that they are becoming good, well mannered adults too...it's just taking a bit longer for as couple of them :)
    I love it when you get on that soap box of yours, it makes me smile! I truly wish those that need this the most were here to read it though!
    Much love and Hugs from here
    Donna

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  21. First of all, I enjoyed each and every photo!!! What a lovely family you have been blessed with.

    Secondly, I totally agree. I do not have children (only a fur one) LOL and lots of nieces and nephews, grandnieces, grandnephews who have grown into respectful young adults (for the most part LOL) but sometimes I cringe at what I read on their FB pages!!

    I don't know how many young children I have "bumped" into because their parent(s) is letting them run around a store or the one that almost got her hand caught in a glass door b/c the mother was too busy talking on her cell phone to notice that her young toddler was heading out of the store.

    I hope you have a wonderful week!

    xoxo

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  22. You took the words right out of my mouth! Good for you for making a TRUE statement and post. Honestly, the problem with the children today is the parents! As a friend shared once....We gripe about how ungrateful our children are and we are the ones that created those little monsters! It all beings at home....Our children are going to do and act just like we allow them too! Give them an inch and they take a mile...And I agree totally on the friendship with your kids...I have three grown daughters and we are FRIENDS...but I am their MAMA first and foremost and will be treated as such! When my girls were teenagers...NO we didn't have a relationship based on "be my best buddy here". We're none perfect parents! Our parents and grandparents weren't perfect...though I thought my grandparents were (Ha) but the bottom line is this: What are we teaching them? Our children will do a lot of what we've done a little of....Pray without ceasing....if you aren't praying for your children...who is! Enjoyed this post so much. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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  23. Rebecca,

    Amen to that!! I praise you for your words of wisdom. You are so right about kids feeling entitled. I almost wish that I had just packed my husband and daughters and moved to a rural area that didn't have cheerleading, soccor, soft ball, dance schools, etc. Life back then was in the car going to school or some other activity. What kind of life is that.

    ♥charlotte

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  24. I'm a mom of 5 daughters trying to raise my children they way I was raised which is the way you raised your children. It's not easy these days. I take comfort in your words to keep on keeping on. Thank you!

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  25. I was a single mom of 4 kids for the most part of their upbringing and more than not i was defeated.... Sometimes in life we need to remember that moving forward means letting go of the past......... And even though living in the now is scary its all for a reason!! Take what you have make the best of it and even when you want to scream and give up run away and never go back--- look forward .......... Its right there....... As a mother I live by 2 rules...1 Even when all else falls love will always stand and 2 Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Thank you for your realness it was a true look into the mirror. MOMS NEVER STAND ALONE FOR LONG!!!! God Bless!

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  26. Can I agree 200% ??? Having no children I can't begin to know what it's like to raise them but it makes sense to not let run you and prepare them for lifes challenges and disappointments. I see the same mistakes being done over and over again with my friends kids.
    Great post!!!!
    x
    Carole

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  27. One of the greatest compliments a parent can get is when someone says "Your children are so well behaved and well mannered." Another is the silent compliment of seeing your children using the same techniques of child rearing as yours. They know they turned out pretty good and want the same thing for their kids.
    I think I could do a whole post on this subject, but it would never be as well thought out as yours.
    You haven't lost me as a follower...in fact, you just made me even harder dog poo to get off your shoes!
    Love you for telling like it is.
    XOXO
    Deb

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  28. I am so sad to say you are right, dear Rebecca,- The same story here in Denmark-
    But I`m happy to say my daughter is not making that mistake as to let her children deside what to eat and how to act.
    I`m glad I don`t have small kids now, because the whole world of technologi and knowlage have not only brought positive and easier life to us, but also many difficulties- and that goes for the parents,too- I think.Far too many expect to much in terms of earning much money, and therefore not having time for the kids at all- and then "paying" thme off with things, instead of quality time together.....
    Oh and there are so much more ,but I agree with you,- and life will not be easy for those kids - so sadly.
    Hugs and love sweetie.
    Dorthe

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  29. Thank You for saying what so many of Us Feel~
    God Bless!
    xox
    Cheryl

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  30. i agree with everything you wrote!!! it is sad for me to see kids begging for guidance and the answer is an electronic device. Strange how all the "bad" kids that come to my house suddenly act "good"...I tell them clearly what my expectations are and they just behave...it CAN happen!!

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  31. I SO agree...I do not envy parents today with cell phones, ipods...that is a lot to keep track of.
    Rene'
    Your hearts are beautiful!

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  32. Holy Moly Woman!! This was excellent. Can we get it printed in all of the newspapers and as a opener on Yahoo? Unfortunately, I don't think the people intended to hear it will be listening. They will instead be saying things like, "If you don't stop making that ...huge mess...screaming...kicking the man next to you...(fill in the blank) you won't get any McDonalds!" As if after what the child has done even deserved a treat! I hear this all the time where I work as well. Loved this and you obviously have the support of many, many people!!

    Cheers,
    kathy

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  33. Rebecca this is the best post I have ever read on parenting!!!! And coming from a mother who has many children it certainly gives you so much more credence. SO many things here that young moms need to take to heart. Parents need to take the reins back.
    I loved seeing all the darling photos of your beautiful family too.
    sending much love to you...

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  34. I totally and completely agree. I have been saying this for years! It is frustrating and saddening to see the way parents have succumbed their rights as parents and entitled their children. The long-term effects extend into classrooms, retail stores and churches all over our fine nation. I hope and pray that parents heed this advice and take back their power. Hopefully, it is not too late!

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